||[Feb. 17th, 2009|08:24 pm]
is that you?
I'm extremely lonely, but it's flesh and bones lonely. |
I've come to the realization- awareness, whatever- that God is with me. He's here. I know this. But I know that he knows that I value a stupid little thing called a human connection. I'm such a mushy mess. Love may not matter as much to everyone, fine, but to me it's everything. I want to fall so far in it that I smell of it, that it's in my skin and flooding my pores. And God knows this. I mean, He knows us. And so He must know this.
The question is (or at least the question that I've been asking myself lately): Am I supposed to be married to God, if you will? Am I supposed to live my life without this passionate emotion and completely be with my faith and my faith alone? Possibly it would benefit my work; maybe I'll be able to help more people without this type of relationship that I seek. Possibly, it just means the most to God if I give up such a huge dream of mine for Him. I don't know.
I'm taking care of a guinea pig right now. Maybe he should suffice for the mean time. If only he'd been here for Valentine's Day. Yak.